I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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