She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
