xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Houston, we have a squirter
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
