there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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