you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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