You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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