thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
