i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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