I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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