mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
