Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
