i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
