Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
