Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
