If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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