And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As shirtless as possible
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
