I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
