ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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