she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
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Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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