you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
