Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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