I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
