i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
