Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
