Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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