Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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