babies were throwing up all over the place
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
