Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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