How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
