haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
