i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
