i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Drunk walkin through police station. America
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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