i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
