Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The best revenge is premature balding
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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