no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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