This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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