is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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