It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
