fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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