this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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