he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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