I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dating After Heartbreak
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.