My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Im part way to drunk.