shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
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You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
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Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.