when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
