The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
