i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Found your dick twin last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
