i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
