Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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