I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
