Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I see more hoeing in ur future
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