Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
