Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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