hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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