I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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