This dress was meant to end up on your floor
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
