my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
