His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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