I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
