dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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