is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think a kid would responsible me up
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
