Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Send help, water and tortillas.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
