why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
