i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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