At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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