Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need to sanitize my soul.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
