Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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