I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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