Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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