Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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