yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
