how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
