I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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