One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
