the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
