I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
