he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
