The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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