Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
